Therapy for Grief: Understanding What Grief Is And How To Heal

What is grief?

Grief is a natural emotional response to loss. Grieving is the process we go through when emotionally working through the loss. With grief comes intense feelings of sadness, despair, shock, anger, guilt, and numbness. We commonly associate grief with the death of a loved one, but it is also natural to grieve the loss of a relationship, job, medical diagnosis, significant changes or losses in one's life, or from tragedies occurring in the world. Grief and the feelings associated with it typically ease with time or will come in waves and will affect each person in a different way.

We commonly hear about the stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, but this is not what it looks like for everyone. The stages of grief are not linear, they all may occur, some may occur, or none may occur in no particular order. Sometimes grief occurs long after the loss. As humans we are resilient and can grow with and around our grief, so if you experience grief in a different way than portrayed in the media, that is completely normal! However, for some people grief does not go away with time- that’s when grief turns into complicated grief.

What is complicated grief?

Complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief disorder, is grief that typically lasts longer than a year and causes emotional distress that impairs daily functioning including intense emotional pain and a hard time accepting that the loss has occurred. 

What are symptoms of complicated grief?

Common symptoms of complicated grief include:

• Overwhelming, intrusive, or preoccupying thoughts about the loss.

• Feeling intense longing or emotional pain, including sadness, despair, numbness, and crying spells. 

• Avoiding or ignoring reminders of loss or surrounding yourself with reminders of a loss.

• Feeling like you have no purpose after the loss. 

• Difficulty accepting that the loss happened.

Other issues associated with complicated grief include:

• Insomnia or poor sleep

• Thoughts of self-harm

• Stress and anxiety. 

• Increased risk of developing depression if left untreated.

• Loss of appetite.

• Lack of socialization and increased isolation.  

• Physical health concerns.  

• Challenges with interpersonal relationships. 

What are the different types of grief?

Living with grief can feel lonely and isolating. Sometimes it can even feel confusing. It can feel numb for months before the loss fully sinks in. For example, sometimes we can experience delayed grief where feelings of grief occur weeks or months later. Traumatic grief can occur as a reaction to a sudden loss or witnessing suffering or pain.Sometimes we experience inhibited grief as emotions surrounding a loss are not easily recognized and can show up in the body as physical symptoms. With terminal illness of a loved one, sometimes we experience anticipatory grief before the loss occurs. While some experience disenfranchised grief which is mourning a loss that is not openly acknowledged, validated, normalized, or supported by society. Finally collective grief can occur when major events like natural disasters or world wide events, like the pandemic, have far reaching losses, changing what is considered normal day to day life. 

There is no way to prepare for what you may feel when experiencing various types of loss. The important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to experience grief and that it is a natural human response. Grief can be experienced differently cross-culturally and based on religion or spirituality, this is why it is important to seek support that works in the context of your worldview and lived experience. 

What type of therapy is best for grief?

There are many therapies that are beneficial for grief. However, as there is not one specific way to experience grief, there is not one specific way to heal from it either. This will be based on what interventions and techniques feel the most effective for you and learn what coping strategies work best in the context of your life. Grief is not something we cure, but something to process over time. Therapeutic approaches for grief are used to support you in accepting the reality of loss, finding a way to accept the loss you endured, and process the painful emotions associated with grief. 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can support the grief process by making room for all your difficult thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories without getting swept away by them. It reminds you to be kind and supportive of yourself while taking action to live by what is of importance and value to you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps us to create awareness around negative thoughts that correspond with the grief and to support us in understanding how we are feeling, and to reframe negative thoughts into positive ones. Both ACT and CBT help the bereaved find coping skills that work best for them ranging from mindfulness exercises to engaging joyful activities. Your therapist will work with you to find what works best for you. 

Another therapy commonly used for those that experience grief is Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT) which entails recognizing that grief is a natural process and implies that treatment of complicated grief involves exploring impediments to the grieving process and removing them so that there can be a successful resolution and bring closure. CGT works to facilitate the progress of grief to help the client come to terms with the death, not to forget the memory of the loss, but to develop a way to cope with the loss and restore function to everyday life. It also works to target the processes related to the loss and focus on painful intrusive memories that are occurring and behavioral avoidance. The goal of CGT is to support clients to connect back to their relationships and re-establish valued life goals.

What does therapy for grief look like?

Similar to therapy for other concerns, the process will begin with information gathering so the therapist can understand what is occurring for you and your specific symptoms. The therapist will work with you on coping skills that work in the context of your life and lived experience so that you can implement maintainable skills and establish realistic goals. The therapist will also hold space for your grief going at a pace which you are comfortable with, creating a safe environment to explore what you are feeling. Ultimately the therapeutic journey will support you in honouring your loss, identifying values and discovering what it looks like to live your life in a meaningful way. 

If you aren’t sure which therapy is the best for you to start with, the team of therapists at A Journey Inward Therapy are here to guide you. We all practice from an integrative perspective to treat grief, which means that your therapist will support you in creating an individualized treatment plan to suit your needs and create a safe space for you to heal.

How long does grief take to treat?

There is no timeline for the treatment of grief as this process looks different for everyone, while some symptoms improve in weeks or months, it can also take years to notice a significant change. The important thing is that you do what you feel is right to take care of yourself and explore your emotions. Regardless of which treatment you start with, seeking therapy for grief can help you gain insight into your thoughts and emotions as well as support you in discovering what a meaningful life looks like for you. Start your healing journey and take that first step by scheduling a free initial consultation with a therapist on our team, or reach out to our Intake Coordinator to be matched with a suitable therapist.