Therapy for Self-Esteem and Self-Worth
What is self-esteem vs. self-worth?
Self-esteem is a person’s evaluation of their qualities, competence to do the tasks that matter to them, and how they compare to other people in their life. It is often based on external factors and heavily influenced by self-judgment or comparison with others. Therefore, self-esteem is relatively fluid over time and can vary across areas of life. For example, a person can have high self-esteem for their career but low self-esteem in their romantic relationships.
On the other hand, self-worth is a person’s broader evaluation of whether they matter and deserve respect and care. Self-worth is less influenced by external factors and is therefore more stable. Instead, self-worth is primarily determined by core beliefs, which stem from their childhood and upbringing.
What are symptoms of low self-esteem or low self-worth?
Signs of low self-esteem and self-worth can be similar, so it may be difficult to determine which to focus on.
Some unique characteristics of self esteem include:
Avoiding challenges or new experiences (fear of failure)
Difficulty making decisions
Lack of confidence
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Sensitivity to criticism
Negative self-talk about your abilities
With low self-worth, you may notice:
Feeling unlovable, hopeless, or inadequate
Difficulty accepting compliments or praise
Seeking validation from others
Tolerating abusive relationships
Feeling undeserving of success or happiness
People pleasing tendencies
What's it like to live with low self-esteem and self-worth?
People who have low self-esteem often report this pervasive inner critic that never rests: it’s always judging your every move, overanalyzing and repeating your mistakes in your mind, and telling you that you will never be as good as others. This leads to a negative outlook in many areas of your life and affects your relationships, job, hobbies, and even your ability to take care of yourself. You may constantly be feeling like an impostor in your achievements, as if you “did not deserve your success.”
Low self-worth can feel even heavier and be more pervasive across different areas of your life. It is essentially this inner belief that no matter what you do or what you achieve, you will not be truly deserving of love and respect. You may people please because you really want others to view you positively, since you don’t see yourself that way. Finally, you may be a perfectionist who focuses on every small detail so that there is no room for error, and consequently, no room for judgement.
Overall, having low self-worth can feel like every day is a gloomy day. Things always seem dark and hopeless, like they will never get better and that you will never “see the sun” (i.e. nothing will get better).
What type of therapy is best for low self-esteem and self-worth?
The good news is that many types of therapy can effectively improve a person’s sense of self-esteem and worth. For example, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on challenging negative thought patterns, replacing them with more balanced and objective perspectives. In other words, CBT can help you see things more “clearly” instead of from a negative lens.
If the issue is a more deep sense of unworthiness, Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be effective, especially if you tend to feel shame and self-criticize. These methods focus on cultivating kindness towards oneself, accepting your emotions, being present, seeing yourself honestly, and detaching from negativity - all of which can help reduce feelings of shame and increase feelings of love toward yourself. This will allow you to view yourself more positively and realize that you are worthy of love and respect just as you are.
The “best” therapy heavily depends on your personal style and preferences, and you can explore these with your therapist.
What does therapy for low self-esteem and self-worth look like?
A common experience across therapy for self-esteem and self-worth is understanding the root of your negative outlook. This could be from past experiences, early relationships, the messages you have internalized from others, and/or ongoing patterns in your life. You may also practice healthier and more positive self-talk (treating yourself with the same kindness that you give to others) as well as learn how to handle criticism in a more balanced way. To improve, you may set small, realistic goals that gradually build your sense of worth.
Regardless of which therapy is best for you to start with, our team of therapists are here to guide you. We all practice from an integrative perspective, which means that your therapist will work with you to understand your unique situation, guide you on which treatment or combination of treatments are best suited for you, and work with you on an individualized treatment plan with goals that matter to you.
How long does low self-esteem and self-worth take to treat?
The length of therapy depends on factors such as the severity of your low self-esteem/worth, the messages you have internalized, and the goals you set for yourself. Some people may notice drastic changes within a few months, whereas others may take longer. Deeper-rooted and pervasive self-worth struggles may also take longer than situational and temporary self-esteem struggles.
Ultimately, progress will depend on your involvement and commitment to taking lessons from therapy into the real world, and the trusting relationship you have with your therapist.
Build momentum in your healing journey and take that first step by scheduling a free initial consultation with a therapist on our team, or reach out to our Intake Coordinators to be matched with a suitable therapist.
